Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Hip Hop Dressage

If you're going to do dressage then fancy it up wit some hip hop music. I recommend hip hop dressage on You Tube.  You're welcome.

You're, your.  Can you tell the difference?  It's the apostrophe (that's the little teardrop between the "u" and "r" in the first example.)  The apostrophe means that the following letters are a contraction of a whole word.  As in You.....Are.  Like you're asleep in grammar class.  As opposed to "Let's go to your house." Unnerstand?  Practice makes perfect.  And you're isn't the only example.  I've used many apostrophes in this paragraph.  For extra credit can you find them all and tell me what the whole words were?  You're welcome.  Oh and please don't knock me off my high horse, you're and your and their, they're and there are pretty much the extent of my know it all stuff.

Yep it's that kind of week.  Post Thanksgiving doldrums.  Really too early to shop for those on your list as you have at least 24 20 days from today to get that hot mess done.  And too close to the "day" to spend money on your self.  Ergo, flat line inspiration.  Not that that has ever stopped me.  No sirree Bob.  Read on MacDuff.

Thanksgiving was fun.  The spouse and I got up early, around 10 in the morning, and drove to Cool for the festivities and enjoyed the grandchildren and their parents.  We had a lot of good food and amusing conversation.  We had the annual name your favorite movie segment, Megan said mine was Dirty Dancing and she may be right, but Princess Bride is right up there.  Conversely, Steve and Josh's were Full Metal Jacket, Apocolypse Now and Repo Man...See a pattern?  Sorry Malcolm, that awful movie we saw in Fresno a hundred years ago didn't even hit the radar screen.  So there.  We laughed about Thanksgivings past and agreed that you should hold the cardamon pods out of the pumpkin pie.  Then we left.  The other children had other plans and so did not get to weigh in on cardomon pods or favorite movies.  Better luck next time offspring.  We, however did not get to enjoy scalloped pineapple or the green bean casserole.  Trade offs.

Steve had had all the partying he was was going to enjoy after the feast so he did not attend the festivities Saturday night in Carmel Valley.  I, however, am always ready to partay and so off I went.  And enjoyed the party with the requisite glasses of wine and then waaay too many Cosmopolitans.  Sunday was a complete and total fog for me.  We went to breakfast, then came home and watched three movies and that was that.  Hangovers suck.  (No Country for Old Men,  Killer and Secretariat if you must know, and Secretariat is definitely one of my favorites!  Tommy Lee Jones can do no wrong, and Ashton Kutcher is a sucky actor.)

Speaking of Steve, he went to see Breaking Dawn with the middle daughter, Chang, and I a couple weeks ago.  I fully expected that he would be the oldest man there.  But I was wrong.  And it's even funnier that Derek went too, but not with us.  Steve and Derek did have very similar reviews of the movie.  If you would like to discuss them with them I can give you their emails by private treaty.  If that seems like a little too much work for too little're probably right.  I think the eye rolling is sufficient for our purposes.  Bella's dress totally rocked BTW, much better than Kathy Cambridges IMHO.

Today I practiced the fine art of Japanese T-shirt folding as per You Tube.  Like I said, slow news week.  And I can attest that it does work once you remember which is right and which is left and where points A, B and C are.  Devious.  I also changed the sheets on the bed, though that will make the dogs fussy as they have arrayed their nasty little hairs just so on the sheets and they were pretty well seasoned for their purposes and now I have washed that aforementioned sheets in blistering hot water, bleach and Tide in order to exorcise their remnants and now the babies will have to start all over.  If I were a rich man I'd have those sheets changed every day.  And ironed.  And they would be made out of linen.  And the dogs would be washed every day and would probably be better behaved.  Although I've heard that the Queeen of England is one of the richest women in the world and her Corgi's are nasty little ankle biters and not too keen on going outside to do their duty if you get my meaning.  (Sorry Alden, Chris and Sue..but you can't make this stuff up.)

We are venturing to the east coast for Christmas.  I could stop there, because that would be the right thing to do, but I won't because what I am about to be subjected to is just too weird not to share.  We will put the babies in kennel hell while we cavort in North Carolina for a week.  Steve's mummy is thinking about selling her house in Tryon, NC, so no tension there.  We'll no doubt spend Christmas day with my spouses starter spouse, so no tension there.  What could possibly go wrong?  My family is deeply weird there's no doubt about it, most everyone's family is some kind of weird, but just for a minute imagine  spending Christmas with your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouses first love, a doting mother and a teenager.  I keep telling myself that I'll be beautifully behaved at all times.  You know that's a lie.  And that there will be no tension.  You know that's a lie.  And the time will just fly by.  You know that's a lie.  Merry Christmas, Irish Coffee for everyone, and pass the bottle.  80 Proof Bottle of Tear Stopper.  I love George Strait.

When we return from the east, we'll do some sort of get together with the good   my family.  They have their own peculiarities, but I caused most of them so it's ok.  Hopefully no one will decide to embrace some weird dietary aberrance as they are wont to do.  We've been through the gluten free, vegan/vegetarian, and anti-carb/anti-meat diets.  None of them stuck.  and do you know why?  Because food that is bad for you tastes good and just exactly how long did you plan to live anyway?   I had a button once that said, "Live long enough to be a problem to your children."  Well I checked that box a long time ago.  I'm working on the g'children now.  It seems to be working.  I was pretty far down on the I Love so and so list the other day when I queried the girl g'child.  Her christmas present will reflect that.

You'll be relieved to know that the Squidgy house sitting gigs will be starting up early next year.  The regal ones from Petaluma will take their weary, wind ravaged, fog bound, dank weather selves off to Hawaii for two weeks.  I will be in residence at the casa praying for decent weather while they bask in the sun and waves and enjoy umbrella cocktail type drinks with the puu puu platters.  How nice for them.  I'll be changing out rain soaked horse blankets and picking out muddy hooves.  God help me and give me strength.  And a sense of humor.  I prefer temperate weather.  Not that anyone cares.  Fine.  

An update on the trip to Loving via automobile.  The son in law, who is in mortal peril of falling off the mother in law approval scale, not that he cares, none of them do, is wingeing a little bit.  I had all these wonderful entertainment ideas for our road trip, most of which involved me being incoherent, but he owns his own business and has some weird sense of duty.  A most unpleasant quality if you ask me.  Fun should always trump business.  The secret of my enviable success revealed.  However, if the trip happens, it will be in late February now.  Not in time to spend Valentine's Day in Loving.  I'll still buy chocolates for everyone and then eat them all.  Just always doing my part to save everyone else.  What. A. Saint...

And with that, the saddest part of your day..Adieu mon ami



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