Thursday, November 17, 2011

Smile on your brother

Ahh the Youngbloods and God save ITunes DJ.  So that's what I'm doing, sitting around, doing nothing, listening to ancient music.  Oh, and waiting to go to Fresno...again.  With the three dawgs, the little truck and three hours of driving monotony.  Spare me.  On a high note, there's like a 50/50 chance of rain...or not, so an opportunity to pack everything you own.  neat.  I really shouldn't flaunt my extraordinary life, you must be so green with envy.  sigh

I went to Carmel Valley on Saturday to a TROTT benefit.  TROTT is an acronym (big word) for Training Racehorses off the Track. So I mingled with  fellow horse enthusiasts for an afternoon of music, laughs, wine and noshing.  TROTT, a worthy non-profit if you are looking for a place to put your extra money.  (  Chekkit out. 

I have agreed to go on a road trip with my youngest daughter, her delightful husband, he of the yurt for mama fame, and their three offspring, my adorable grand children, they of the money grubbing and tadpole massacring fame.  We are going to end up barking mad  I mean we're going to end up in Loving, New Mexico at some point.  Along the way I expect to  visit Disneyland and the Grand Canyon.  I've seen the former and I'm suspicious of the latter for obvious reasons.  So the grand urchins will be six, four and a half and two and a half.   Which means, in proper parenting, that only the oldest one will be able to fully enjoy the amusement park due to height restrictions and just plain meanness at the Happiest Place on Earth.  The youngest one will no doubt challenge gravity at the big hole, as he is fearless.  And the middle one will be desperately looking for a nail salon.  I'm also willing to bet that the parental units will think it's a must do to hike up or down the canyon  (or both) much to my angst.  They're like that.  I blame her father.   I must see what I can do for sedatives before we go.  As an added benefit the son-in-law has promised me that I can have a room to myself at the motels we stay in along the way as long as I include the children in my aloneness.  This is promising to be an epic worthy adventure.  If I am able to, I will chronicle this journey in excrutiating detail when it comes to fruition.  I'll bet no one will know if I have Vodka in my cranberry juice in my Cleen Canteen.  Things may be looking up.

The middle daughter, Chang, made the sabbatical to Loving, New Mexico (I hope you have Google Earthed Loving, New Mexico) last weekend.  She amused herself by re-organizing all the eldest daughters stuff.  Which is ok, but when she tried to organize the brother-in-laws spices and other stuff the sh** hit the fan I hear.  I am giggling.  Because I'm vengeful.  Everyone knows that you n.e.v.e.r. tell your victims you are re-sorting their stuff, it takes the fun out of that phone call in the early morning hours with the expletive deletives with the specific query as to the location of their stuff.  hehe.  I threw away most of Alison's clothes during my sojurn to New Mexico.  Admittedly, they'd only just made it to the garbage bag in the hall stage.  But they were off the hangers and out of the closet.  I'll tell you what I told her..."some things are just not meant to last more than a season.  So just accept that and get rid of all the stuff "you had to have" because they are impulse items, and are a result of lazy shopping."  When you save your impulse items it becomes junk, then someone like me, has to come along and give you the hairy eyeball and repeatedly ask you what you were thinking when you bought this or that.   And you will feel inadequate and I, or someone like me, will be fierce and ruthless with your uh collections.  Buy Couture.  (def:  created or produced by a fashion designer: couture clothes)

The dawgs have sufficiently annoyed me with their scolding of the the neighbors that I have started looking for a new pad for us to live in.  I am so desperate that I v.briefly entertained the idea of  a one bedroom guest cottage on some acreage.  Close, but no cigar.  Here are the current requirements.  Pet "friendly", whatever that means.  (I kind of hope it means that no one will shoot the babies, not that that is a deal breaker)  No white carpet, or indeed carpet of any kind.  Acreage, horse facilities big plus. TWO bathrooms for obvious reasons.  Lots of closet space.  Gas range (I pretend to be Top Chef on occasion.)  The dwelling itself must be in good repair and barring that at least cute.  I'd also like it to be free, ideally, but of reasonable monthly compensation if necessary.

My little friend Kristi will be in Fresno this weekend.  She'll be riding a million horses so she won't be a ton of fun, but hopefully she will have a little extra time and we can drink heavily catch up and laugh until we cry.  She's that kind of friend.  She'll also bring Erin who, in addition to being fun, also has a v. cute dog.  Kristi has a dawg too.  He is a son of Emma, the demon  dawg of cat shredding fame.  Anyway the son of Emma has a name and it is Stanley.  He is a good dawg, but has dubious genes and a really sketchy pedigree.  Many, many people have sons or daughters of Stanley beause he appears to be a good dawg, but Kristi never tells them that Emma is Stanleys mother.  That's just a little irresponsible if you ask me.  Disclosures don't you know.  In Emma's defense, she was treed by a whole gang of coyotes intent on making her an amuse bouche once, that may have damaged her some and made her a teensy weensy bit psychotic.  C'mon folks we forgive serial killers all the time for an event that altered their sense of right and wrong.  Give lil Emma a break.
Really, how cute is that?

Next week we give thanks for overeating.  And college football.  yeah.  And Arlo Guthrie.  Email me if you want the reference explained...Anyway, the spouse and I will go up to Cool to overeat with the youngest and her brood.  Should I be nervous this is her first turkey and she thought a 20 pounder would be appropriate for four adults and three children?  Turkey.  Bestserved between two slices of wheatberry bread with Best Foods mayo, salt and pepper, alfalfa sprouts, cranberry and teensy bit of lettuce.  Try it.  You'll be a believer.  Oh, and turkey soup.  Oh yeah and hot open faced turkey sandwiches on thick white bread with left over mashed potatoes and gravy.  And pumpkin pie in the morning with your 'joe.  You can keep the football.

So I read this notice from Nordstrom the other day...guess where I'd be shopping this holiday if I was planning to shop.  Amen.

I must pack now for our visitation to Fresno.  Bon Chance to all y'all.


ps:  lemme know if you are reading this by replying to the email...just say so and send money. :-)

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