Wednesday, August 24, 2011

World travelers and all like that

So we went to Washington state this past weekend.  For us it's like going on a world tour because, you know, we just don't get out that much.  With good reason I'm sure, but I digress.  We got to ride on an airplane up and back.  For some unknown reason we managed to get to the airports on time, found the correct airline, and with very little drama got on the correct flights and made our destinations without any kerfuffles.  The travel gods were kind. 

Last year we were invited to Washington for a different event and the travel gods must have been pissed off about something.  Let me tell you what happened shall I?  First of all, I don't know if you know this about me, but I am completely incompetent in the morning.  Give me a task of very simple details and I probably will not get all of it right.  So we had to be at the airport at something gross like 5:00a.m.  That's just unnecessary to my mind.  Now mind you, Steve is every bit as incompetent as I in the a.m., but since he takes no responsibility in travel details he maintains he's off the hook.  What this means in real life is that he can get mad and I have to defend myself.  Again I digress.  So the line at the Horizon check in was miles and miles and we didn't have much time anyway and there was a special line for special people who got to waltz in and deposit their bags and what not and stroll away with full knowledge that their plane will wait all day for them if need be.  We, however, are not um "elite" in any way, shape or form.   So we waited in line for six or seven hours till we finally presented ourselves and all our stuff and like that and a snotty little minimum wage man informed us that there was no reservation for us.  And, there were no seats on the plane and would we just get outta da way cause there were important, gasp, people behind us who were ticketed and what not.  So I thought it would be a really good idea to just sit there and argue with him.  And Steve just walked away, because it became apparent to him that we not only had stood in the wrong line of the wrong airline counter, but our real airline counter was clear across the terminal and it no longer said anything at all about Portland, but now said Bangladesh or something.  So I got my last word in and huffed it over to the right airline, Frontier, only to be told that it had boarded, our seats were no longer available and was there anything else they could do for us.   Well, after my head stopped spinning around and around and around, Steve dragged me away before the armed with guns guys could come have a go at me and we went upstairs and pouted and snarked at each other and waited for a couple seats to become available so we could travel.  Sadly, as I said before, the travel gods were not pleased with us for whatever mystical reason and so no seats became available and we had to call our hosts in WA to let them know we weren't coming and to have a nice weekend.  Oh, I may have forgotten, this was one of those design a show jump ring for an event weekends, so now we had to go home, Steve still had to design some courses in a bad mood, but now we got to Fax them to WA and hope it all made sense.  Who knows if they did.   And this children, is why I only fly on two airlines.  Because ICRS.    I'd love to know what string of words you all made out of that.

I have a new gig right here in my own neighborhood.  Literally less than five minutes away.  It may or may not prove to be interesting.  There are five grown up horses and a six month old foal.  One horse is a TB and was/is an event horse, but doesn't do anything but be the boss of everyone in his pasture.  The other four are Trakehners.  They don't do anything either, except one had a baby and she came to these people already prenada so there you go.  The foal is an evil, evil little so and so.  His mother has no self esteem and  this spawn of Satan bites her, kicks her, jumps on her and any number of other annoying things and she does nothing.  If you personified her she'd be "that" mother in Carl's Jr. who dotes on her exasperating demon child who screams bloody murder because he didn't get the right toy in his Happy Meal and somebody better do something about this RIGHT NOW!  And she just sits there, in her mu mu, and smiles benignly and utters "little tyke, knows what he wants"  and like that.  And the other diners are drawing a lottery to see who gets to kill them both, weapons of choice.  See what I mean?  Anyway I'm meant to go down the street twice a day to throw hay at them (three flakes each, twice a day) and give Momma-San some grain, that the dark lord foal will steal from her, because he's like that.  And this should be quite jolly.  We'll see won't we?  Because I don't know this lady from Adam and she's found my name from an ad on an equestrian site that I don't even remember submitting, I have produced a contract/release of liability treatise and a veterinary release form and a pet information sheet for each of the critters.  I found them online from a free legal website, so what could possibly go wrong?  Again, I'll let y'all know.  Because I'm greedy, I just hope the check clears, though I did request cash.  Why not be difficult too?

The spouse has declared some weird new austerity plan for me.  This, of course, only affects me, not him, and I am somewhat chuffed by it.  For instance.  My eldest daughter,Tikki tikki tembo-no sa rembo-chari bari ruchi-pip peri pembo, sister to Chang from a previous episode, is having her baby in BFE New Mexico the first part of October.  I had planned to board an airplane at a reasonable hour and wing my way to the east for the blessed event.  Stephen has decreed that I am a rock and that I should drive and that he'll go with me...if he can...which is a lot like saying "hey, you're a rock, you'll be fine driving across three states by yourself.  Man up."  The last time I drove across New Mexico by myself the spare tire on the truck I was driving fell off, rolled under the three horse trailer I was pulling causing it to buck up in the air about 70 feet only to land on the tire again which then proceeded to bend the angle iron under the trailer and exit via the rear passenger wheel on the trailer making it explode and then went rolling merrily down the highway.  So I limped to a tire place somewhere and got a tire for the trailer, found my way to Tucumcari,  NM where some helpful guy checked out the trailer during a refueling mission and noticed all the damage underneath and recommended I not drive it till the angle iron was replaced because more bad stuff would happen to the trailer if I didn't fix it,  and yes, he did know someone who had a machine shop and it shouldn't take more'n a couple, three or four days to git er dun.  Sum bitch.  I sat in Tucumcari for three or four days and fretted and was nauseous the entire time.  And that is my driving through New Mexico alone story.  Now ask me again how excited I am to travel there alone....BTW Tucumcari, NM is not on Conde Nast's list of anything cute.  FYI.

The next fun thing that will happen is the joyous occasion of our wedding anniversary.  Now here's what some of my friends have done for their anniversaries this year, trip to Germany, trip to Carmel, actual rememberance of the date, new car, new house.  The spouse reads this, indeed, the spouse whines piteously if I don't write regularly.  Let us see if the spouse steps up to the plate and even notices the stony silences on the day because he CRS either.  I remember one year coming down the stairs at a house we shared with his mother (fodder for an episode unto itself) one day and she was all "Happy Anniversary!  Joy Joy Joy! etc.!"  and we just stared at her, figured she'd finally flipped her lid for good and walked on.  As stated previously ICRS, but it is not ok for the spouse.

And so dear reader I've reached the limit of my creative expertise for the time being.  Maybe something cool will happen by time I'm badgered in to writing again that will make this drivel worth reading.  Until then,

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