Thursday, July 28, 2011

It's a brand new day.

Ah well, the best laid plans do go awry.  So the empress calls up like two days before she and the consort are to leave for Montana to let me know that her horses are lame and they're not going to Montana afterall.  Well shucky darn.  I had plans for that money, but happily, and unusually, I'd not pre-spent it this time.  So I was able to be cheery with Shirley and agree that horses are nothing but a head ache and they'll always break your heart.  In my next life I will be a country song writer and I will use all the material from this life.  Something to look forward to.

So the spouse at least was happy about this turn of events as it now meant someone would cook and clean for him. And Lindsey was happy because now someone would run errands for her. And Megan and Alison were both pleased because now I could get Grumpy to pull his various strings and get us us free passes to the CA State Fair and I would be pleased because the grand-urchins would be going too.  (?)  Just a regular little happy fest.

Naturally the fair is the only part of that happiness which bears a recounting of.  Let me start off by saying the love of my life did work his magic and not only did we get tickets for the six of us, ride tickets for four of us (babies and pregnant/intoxicated folks do not get to ride) but we also got free parking.  If you have ever been to Cal Expo you will recognize that the free parking is probably the best of the best of all the freebies we got.  Which is not to say that we did not spend valuable money once there.   Lunch for six you say?  Corn dogs?  How much could that be?  A little over $20?  Yes, but several "I'm thirsty and I want cotton candy, I want Kettle Korn and I will not leave here without a fried Snickers." later I was down $60 bucks and I hadn't been the only one to open my wallet to the greedy fair vendors.  Nevertheless we had a grand old time and two of the children are finally of an age to really want to ride the rides so we spent an unholy amount of time in little tyke world with the scary old men and like that.  Those little angels got every dimes worth of the ride passes. Megan, Silas and I got to join Jack and Mila on the kiddie Tilt-A-Whirl which spun and twirled just a shade too long for yours truly.  I spent the last hour and a half of the ride staring at a fixed spot on the wall so as not to share my corn dog with the world.  Well it seemed like an hour and a half anyway.  What happened to the days when I relished the most violent of turny, spinnie, stomach dropping rides with nary a twinge?  Gone, gone away.

Since the empress was denied her trip to Montana this year and by extension denied me the opportunity to blog about house sitting for her and the critters, she threw me a bone the other day and announced that she and her consort were taking themselves off to the north coast for some R&R (wink wink).  And she asked me to come house sit.  And I said, "Yes, of course excellency."  So here I am.  I have something to say about all the critters here.  But let's start with Killer.  If you will recall the last time I was here, we were somewhat nervous of each other, he, because I caused the helicopter to land in his yard and me because he caused me to need the helicopter.  But by the end of the stay we had come to terms and he agreed that perhaps I was the most pleasant creature ever to step foot on the place and he loved me.  This was proven to be true when this afternoon I arrived and religiously went about checking the well being of my charges and Killer came tearing up to the fence nickering and oh so happy to see me.  At least I think that's what he was doing, he could have mistaken me for someone who was going to feed him, but that came later.  He has taken to following me as I go about my duties and comes up to me for treats and scratches of which he gets both.  Such a little darling.  I shall change his "Squidgy" nickname to Doogie.  He reminds me now of a chocolate lab albeit one with iron shoes.  My other favorite is Colin and I have no idea why.  But he too nickered in hopes of a feeding when I appeared and was crestfallen when the best he got was a thorough scratching and lots of pats.  There are four more horses here, but none seemed that overjoyed to see me so, in the immortal words of Cee Lo Green...Forget you.

I have the dogs of the realm here as well.  They are somewhat less than thrilled that their people have gone off without them, and have treated me rather shabbily.  I have decided they will come around and to that note I whistled for Trevor to come when I went down to the barn to feed tonight so he could have a romp with the ball which I threw for him with the ball tossy thing I was ordered to use for him.  Evidently I am a poor ball thrower AND I don't really know where to throw the ball.  Now Trevor does know where the ball is supposed to be thrown and as I mentioned, I didn't  throw it "there" he became confused and felt sorry for me for being such an idiot.  I did not bother to remind him that I was not chasing a nasty ass ball that had landed in horse poop nor did I carry it around in my mouth when I did catch it. hmmph  At any rate we managed to lose two out of two balls and gave that up as a bad job  after some um "searching".  The other dog is Maxine.  She is the queen of everything and doesn't mind letting you know about that.  I have had a long and lovely relationship with Maxine since she was a wee pup and my own darling dog babies love their Auntie Maxine to bits, though I can't say the affection is returned.  But she is stone cold weird.  Always has been.  Always will be.  To be honest, I don't know a dog who isn't weird in some way, I mean really some of the things they do...and eat.  What ever.

So this isn't as bad as I'd thought it was.  I'm home from the vigil in Petaluma.  Injury free to boot.  The spouse has been a busy little bee.  He works for a County Fair Organization and as such is concerned with carnies and rides and music acts and the like.  At any rate since they stopped horse racing two years ago I have little interest in venturing to Vallejo to hang with the crim-pop.  Alas darling one will be ensconsed in some seedy motel across from 6-Flags for a week while the county fair grinds on, and on, and on.  What will I do?  First of all I will not cook.  Then I shall badger the children to entertain me as they are currently enjoying their summer holiday at Lake Tahoe...on the water...with a dock...without their mother unit.  They will pay for that I assure you.  Not that I'm not happy for them, but as I've always said..."No one will ever love you like your birth mother..."  Guilt free living?  Not a chance.  :-)

I had the opportunity to visit with the horse show mom at her whine country estate a week ago.  She's getting a roommate so I had to share the big bed with her.  Evidently I snore.  A lot.  So she got up in the middle of the night to go push her boy child out of his bed so as to get some peace and quiet.  I assure you I was not very aware of this move, but I was pleased to have the whole bed to my noisy self and did not concern myself with her annoyance at all.  And annoyed she was.  My my.  Anyway like I said I was not all that concerned because I was taking a valuable day out of my valuable life to travel down to watch her school the magnificant horse..Kilo around the cross country course in Woodside.  Day trips such as these are highlights in my life.  And she let me tack up, untack, hose down, wrap legs, clean tack and muck out the trailer.  What more could you ask for?  Wait...

I have allowed myself to be the co-host of a bridal shower in September.  What is wrong with me?  Anyway the bride to be is lovely.  If you'd like I'll provide you with a picture of her from her Young Riders experience in 2005.  She on the other hand will probably not be as enchanted with that posting.  At any rate we are having this shindig at a friends palatial estate on the ocean at the edge of the world in Carmel.  Worth the price of admission I do say.  My co-hostess has assured me the weather that time of year is spectacular on the ocean at the end of the world.  How nice.  I hope we can play games and eat cake.  The down side being that as a hostess I probably don't get to play the games and win the valuable prizes which seems a little unfair.  What ever. 

What we're watching.  As a new service I shall counsel you on the proper television viewing opportunities you should not be missing.  Project Runway begins tonight.  Tape it, then each week we'll discuss the pathetic, or truly awful, or inspiring designs put forth.  As an added bonus then we shall judge the judges which is the best part really.  I know you can't wait.  I have recently discovered Flipping Out.  If you like bitchy gay designer queens, and who doesn't, this is the show for you  full stop.  And on the topic of bitchy gay queens you should not be missing the A List.  You go girl.  I tried to like Dance Moms, but just couldn't do it.  The same with Little Miss Perfect and Bridezillas,  you know one viewing is pretty much all you need to ever watch, then you become annoyed.  There is nothing more pathetic than catching yourself screaming at the television.   Cooking shows you say?  Hell's Kitchen just for the astounding stupidity of cigarette and who knows what else, smoking wanna be chefs cowering under the tutelage of a half mad English git with a foul mouth.  Mondays - Fox.  NCIS is our favorite and has a special and  lofty non-critical status in our esteem.  New season begins, and I do know this, on September 20.  We also watch So You Think You Can Dance and American Idol, but never live, gotta be able to fast forward from earnest, boring, self involved, grandiloquence from the judges.  A minute of fame is way too long.

Gotta run chickens.   Peace Out.


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