Monday, July 23, 2012

Oh, hello there. How you been? (como frijole)

So I've been pretty busy.  For me.  For instance I did make the trip up to Washington state a couple months ago.  It rained.
Then I went to Woodland.  It was hot.
Then I went to Carmel Valley.  With Kristi. 
Then I went to Carmel Valley again.  Alone and over stayed as usual
Then I came home for two days.
Then I went to Sonoma for ten days.  It was hot.  And tiring.
Then I went to Woodland for one day.  It was still hot.
Now I'm home.  Whoopee.

Also in that riveting agenda, my old daughter, Alison, came home with the good grandchild.  We went to the State Fair.  We also went with the young daughter and her offspring and the middle daughter who just looked glamorous.  Who looks glamorous at the fair?  It's a little demoralizing.  She didn't stay long.  Not that we don't love her, but we didn't glam up for the day.  However, we did look a little more put together than 99.9% of our fellow (and I gag a little) fair goers.  Gads, am I turning in to a snob?  gasp.

The young daughters three off spring are old enough to run away from you at the fair.  It would appear that this is not a good thing.  So each child had to pick a grown up to be its person.  Jack either picked or got me.  That's OK because we spent a lot of time picking up crawdads from the trough containing same.  So they have this exhibit which all about the water and the things that live in it.  One of those things is the mighty crawdad/crayfish or what ever.  For the uninitiated they look a lot like swimming scorpions with no stinger.  They do, however, have nasty claws and pincers with which they will pinch their enemies and maim their fellows.  This last was evidenced by the unsettling number of crawdads sporting one or none pincers and the remains of those pincers scattered on the bottom of the tank.  Vicious little brutes.  We were talking about catching them weren't we?  Mr. Jack was the crocodile hunter of the day and he modestly told me he'd picked up all of the prehistoric creatures and released them.  relief  As if to prove it to himself, he proceeded to pick up all of them again.  Did I mention there were at least a hundred in the tank?  May be not.  He forced my hand open allowed me to hold the baby ones.  Super neat.

Then we petted the sturgeon.  For a long time.  I wonder if there's a way to skin them and use the skin for say a summer weight jacket?  It's really velvety.  We practiced our steer roping skills, well perhaps skills isn't the best descriptor, but let it be known we were there for a long time.  Alison came along during this event and proclaimed that everything was wrong from the type of rope to the direction the steers head was placed.  I had to churry her along before she changed everything.  She always was a bossy little thing.   I was also in charge of the super sized baby stroller.  It was roughly the size of a giant SUV and about as handy.  Needless to say I was not a good driver and manged to run over a lot of toes and bashed in to quite a few things and people.  I'll never see those folks again so I guess I'm OK with it.  And that, dear reader, is why I have so few friends.  Or any.  Will you be my friend?  I thought so.

I was discussing the fair.  But I guess I hit the highlights.  Sorry.  Nothing really interesting happened.  Megan brought us lunch so we did not devour fair food which was a little disappointing as we were all jonesing for corn dogs.  But we looked self important eating our edamame and healthy organic salads.  Then I polished that off with a fried Snickers and thereby captured all the food groups.   I also bought  a fried Twinkie, but just didn't have the heart for it.  Sadness.  Suffice it to say there was ample (and I do mean ample) people watching to enjoy, though Megan and Alison screeching at me to stop staring really ruined my rhythm.  What's a girl to do?  They need some elder care sensitivity training.  Elder Abuse Abounds!

I spent a week, plus some, in Carmel Valley.  The lord and lady of the manor scooted off to Bromont and I was in charge of the horses.  Six horses.  One had the nastiest sarcoma on its ear.  It looked like a mushroom only it bled and needed to be treated, gross.  When Bea came home we wrapped a bunch of rubber bands around it and lo and behold! it fell off after a while.  I wasn't there for the delivery, but I hear it was a successful separation.  Now, I am...a surgeon. Praise Be.

I also spent an idyllic (not) ten days in Sonoma house and horse sitting for our favorite...Horse Show Mom.  This job almost didn't happen due to an extreme misunderstanding of what I charge per day, which is non-negotiable.  I like to think I don't need the money, but that is a fallacy, just ax Steve.  But I can't/won't work for peanuts either.  At any rate we came to terms and I took myself off to whine country.  Normally I clean a few stalls, maybe ride, maybe not, feed, change blankets, lunge, watch tee vee, medicate (see previous paragraph) and the like.  For our little tight wad I mean HSM my day went something like this:

7:00a  Arise, feed two dawgs, two fish, one rat, one cat and a bearded dragon.

7:01a  Leave for barn (leave earlier if possible)

7:25a  Arrive at barn having burned up 13.5 miles

7:26a  Determine who is getting turned out and try to remember who can be next to who, who can't be in the first turnout or the last, fill water troughs up, roll hose back up, forget to turn water off.  Race back to turn water off.  Collapse in office with the flies.

7:30a  Contemplate life and listlessly sweep office out

8:00a  Decide to ride. 

8:30a Decide who to ride

9:00a  Groom and tack up horse

9:15a  Have urgent need to pee

9:20a  Get on horse and hack around and do something like dressage or just plain flopping around depending on who you are

10:20a Get off, untack, hose horse off, move horses in paddocks around, refill waters, turn other horses out  (see 7:26a) put the ridden horse away, select next victim.

11:20p  Tack up, ride, untack, hose off and put away victim #2

12:20p  Decide lunging is a good option for next horse.

12:45p  Groom horse, select lunging equipment, fiddle with lunging bridle, fiddle some more, wander around looking for fly spray, sho sheen, hoof oil etc

1:45p  Take horse to lunging arena and chase it around both directions until bored.

1:46p JK 2:10p  Take horse back to barn.  Horse is recalcitrant and has developed deep seated fear of the barn, the mats, the wash rack, water, hoses, but sadly, not me

3:30p  Finally get horse hosed off in wash rack, braid mane over, drink about 4 gallons of water put horse away.

4:30p  Have to pee

4:35p  Select easy horse to ride, tack up, get on , hack around, go in to arena, horse freaks out at the music coming from the many speakers placed all around on arena fence and has hissy fit.  Contemplate carne asada caballo.  Hold temper.  Get one good trip around arena each direction and get back to the barn, untack, grudgingly hose horse off and even more grudgingly put it away.

6:00p  Prepare evening meals for the horses, meticulously adhering to each horses specific diet and studiously memorize the amount to feed of each ingredient, figure out supplements, water everything down and, with a flourish, present each custom meal to each horse.  Bon Apetit'

7:00p Leave barn. 

7:10p  Remember phone is still at barn.  Retrace steps, waste gas and time.

7:30p  Leave barn again and travel another 13.5 mile back to HSM's house.  Eat a sandwich.  Feed dawgs again, check the food and water for the cat, make sure rat, fish and dragon have not expired.

8:00p  Take shower and go to bed with wet hair.  Gross

8:15p  Remember that I forgot to water all the semi growing stuff in back yard.  Get up, crossly, and splash water around, step in dawg doo, become enraged, wash feet, turn off water, mutter invectives to dawgs and lock them in prison in the garage for the night.

9:30p Go back to bed.  Still chuffed and out of sorts.  Have weird dreams.

Repeat for next nine days.  And develop a rash.  One that won't go away.  Gross

It makes me tired all over again just thinking about it.  I must select a cocktail now and relax with the teevee remote and catch up on Dance Moms for a bit.



1 comment:

  1. House sitting sounds horrible! Like the part about glamorous middle daughter